My original title was it’s ok to fire your doctor, but being mindful of the power of words and how it’s important for us all to find kindness and healing in the division we live in right now, it didn’t feel right. And, our healthcare works are working harder than ever to keep us healthy during this pandemic. However, with that said, it really is okay to find another doctor and say goodbye to one that doesn’t feel right for you.
Last week a smart, well educated, loving, safety awareness mother shared she had left the pediatrician in tears. This hit such a strong chord for me, likely because I remember as if it were yesterday walking out of the our pediatrician’s office in tears. It was my first child and breastfeeding was NOT coming easy for us, however I really wanted to breastfeed and felt like I was doing everything I possible could. I had a nipple shield, I was going to weekly support breastfeeding gatherings at the hospital, I was pumping, drinking water, finger feeding with a tube. At our tw0-week check-up the pediatrician did not offer warm fuzzies that I needed as a new mom, did not offer validation for the work my baby and I were doing. Instead she went straight to the discussion of giving my daughter formula with still continuing to try and breastfeed. I felt like she had given up on my daughter and I. I’m sure my reconciliation is more harsh than the actual encounter, but what I heard was ‘you’re not doing enough, you don’t have enough milk supply, your baby is suffering.” Yes, my baby had not made it back to birth weight in two weeks and that was a concern for the pediatrician and for ME- I wanted my baby well and healthy and gaining wait too! Not the feeling you want as a new mom when all you’re trying to do is the best for this new life that holds your heart. As I drove away from the office that day in pools of tears I remember thinking that day I needed to listen to my mama gut, seek support that offered validation and support in this crazy hormonal fourth trimester, continue to education myself, and give myself some grace. My gut told me I needed to say good-bye to that pediatrician stat for my mental wellness. I knew I needed a pediatrician that would listen to my concerns, validate my efforts and speak kindly, yet professionally while offering medical care and expertise I so respected in the field. So, I fired that pediatrician and found a family physician that met my needs and by baby’s. And 10 years later we are still with her.
My heart pulled for this new Mama that had joined our FREE lunchtime Moms Chat. And it hit a chord for the other moms who were quick to support, validate, (and ready to get her back!), and remind her she was doing a great job and each mom and family have to figure out what works for them, in this situation, it dealt with sleeping. While physicians are required and should give medical advice, it’s all in HOW they say it that can make or break how it’s received. Our lunchtime virtual chat that started during the pandemic at the suggestion of a FCYKC mom, have been so insightful, supportive, helpful, funny, and uplifting. I LOVE seeing how women embrace motherhood together and uplift each other and the WEALTH of knowledge they each bring and share.
In prenatal yoga class I often ask Mamas to close their eyes as I read the differences between third trimester and fourth trimester. Babies are used to constant contact while in the womb and when they come to earthside there is a drastic shift in this, so much that the discussion becomes about how to put baby down. I appreciate Sarah Ockwell-Smith (author of The Gentle Sleep Book and numerous others) simple statement that perhaps the answer is *not* to put baby down and discover parental understanding and empathy for baby and remembering that parents and babies are individuals which makes us all different and unique.
Being a first time parent myself I remember trying to figure out the right way for so long. Embarrassingly so, it took awhile to really get there is no right way. The day I decided it was time to find another practitioner was an empowering moment. Each parent, child, and family is different and if caring for a baby comes from love, education, safety, empathy, and getting to know each other, in the end that’s what’s important and the right way.
Beyond the Stretch
